Dear Mom

A mother is someone who provides and protects their child, the person who is going to love you the most, and a person you can always turn to. Since I was little I loved my mom- even after everything she’s done. My mom wasn’t around much, but when she was I felt so happy. Everytime she left I would ball my eyes out. Being in and out of my life was nothing new.  

My mom is a drug addict. I saw drugs ruin her and the family's lives. I love her, but then I hate her. I sometimes hate her because she made me. I hate her because she abandoned her children and walks in and out of my life as she pleases. She says she loves me, but never shows it. When my mom gets incarcerated, she tries to restore our relationship, but that’s the only time she tries. After a while, it gets tiring. She comes home and would be good for a while but it never lasts long.

 I’ve heard stories of my mom being a good mom to my siblings when they were younger, but I never got the chance to experience that version of her. She chose drugs over us and I do blame her for my bad childhood. Regardless, I hate that I hate her. I didn’t always hate her, in fact, I loved her so much that each time she came in and out of my life I would wonder why she didn’t love me as much as I loved her. 

 I’ve always blamed her for my bad childhood since she was never there for me, but now I’m older and tired of blaming her. I’ve decided It’s time to forgive her so we can  work on our relationship. It’s time to work through  my trauma and create a better future for myself. Only then, maybe one day, she’ll find the courage to better her life for herself and her family.